Balance

How do you achieve balance? I feel like I'm a gymnast on a beam falling from side to side. Two kids, a husband, a full time job, and oh yeah myself too. Some days are better than others. Today not so much. Running late this morning because my two year old decided he wanted to stay in bed. Do you blame him? Get in the car and my trusty mini van is on E. Was supposed to fill up on the way home from karate last night...forgot. Well Jack and I made a side trip to Speedway and then it was bus after bus on my 30 minute commute. A day of work and I forgot about Family Math Night, I guess I will not be attending. Pick up Jack, did he get in trouble today, goodness yes. He even admitted it today. I guess that's a start. Next onto to get Ava...her nana fed her dinner, thanks mom! Karate uniform on and in the car to get to karate. Home and hubby made pancakes for dinner. Got a 2 1/2 mile run in before I am in for the night. I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm in a rat race. Now for those 8 hours of sleep I'm supposed to get...that will have to wait until the weekend.

My Other Love

Ava. She will always be my first born. My little girl. She started her life fighting for her life, hooked to a ventilator being fed through tubes. I cried. And cried more. I didn't want something so little to feel so much pain. It wasn't fair. But little Ava fought and is now a thriving 5 year old.

Jack wants me to hold his hand, but Ava wants me to wiggle her tooth, encourage her to read, talk with her about things bothering her, and still snuggle before bed. This year I've seen Ava grow. Not only grow physically, but mature. She is able to control her emotions more and more each day. 

I find it harder and harder to be her mother and not her friend. She is so compassionate and caring, what I want in a true friend. But I have to stand my ground with her. I want her to be strong minded, yet respectful. That's a very hard thing to teach. 

Yesterday, while eating breakfast I observed her curiosity and wonder. It was so delightful to see her mind at work. She had two juice boxes, one empty and one full. First I saw her connect the two straws and create one long straw to get the juice out. Then she went further. She put one of the straws in both of the juice boxes. She was then able to transfer the juice from the full container to the empty one. Problem solving at your best! A teacher's dream! 

As she sleeps next to me hugging her pillow pet, I'm so excited to see what is next for her. Yes, she is asleep in my bed and will be carried to her own bed. She tells me her room is too dark and noisy. Not a great routine to start, but it won't be forever :)

Sweetest Words

Why did I title my blog "Mommy, Hold My Hand, Please."?  I have been wanting to do this for a long time.  I'm frustrated.  Frustrated with role as a parent and mommy.  I want to do it all.  I want to be a stay at home mom.  I want to work.  I want to be super mommy.  I want to be the mom who makes homemade valentines for her kids to pass out and then volunteer at the party at school.  I want to make homemade dinners that are healthy every night for my family.  I want to do a superb job at work and be recognized for it.  I want to finish the laundry.  I want to clean my bathrooms more than once a week.  I want to actually dust every inch of my house.  But, sometimes I just get to hold my son's hand.  

He has started saying that a lot.  I mean every time we leave the house, get out of the car, walk to the kitchen.  It has hit home with me.  He just wants me to be connected to him.  He feels safe when I hold his hand because he is connected to his mommy.  It is a wonderful feeling.  I love hearing those words and feeling his little hand grab mine.  His 2 foot stature walking along side me makes me feel like I am his someone special.  Most of the time he is running around throwing his body onto anything soft he can find or trying to convince me he needs to watch "Sheriff Callie" on the ipad for the 20th time that day, but then he will just walk over to me and say "Mommy, hold my hand, please." When he was an infant he needed me to feed him, burp him, hold him, cuddle him.  Now he is two and his needs have changed.  

I love this little guy...and I just want to hold his hand.